


Sonic Adult Life

by dumbsonicfics



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Not Serious, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 07:17:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12859548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumbsonicfics/pseuds/dumbsonicfics
Summary: consider this a fanfic of a fanfic, sonic high school





	1. sonic fucked up big time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cybershell](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=cybershell).



> to cybershell
> 
> the man who posted the Sonic 2 Bonus Video after 9 years in development
> 
> it was worth the weight

It is a sunny day in green hill zone. The birds are singing and the sun is shining. Sonic the hedgehog was in bed with amy rose who he married after he graduated college and got his bachelor's degree in business. Amy woke up and shook sonic awake. “sonic it's 8:59 you're going to be late for work!” sonic got up and yawned and said “no problem babe!” and ran to the bathroom. He took a supersonic piss and then went and took a super sonic bath and brush his teeth super sonically. He goes to kiss amy on the cheek and his son sonic junior, grab his brief case and super sonic commuted to work. He worked in a building located at the edge of star light zone. He checks in at 8:59:59 and sat at his desk. Tails came in one minute later, sweating

“oh no i'm late for work!”

sonic laughs and pats tails on the back “hey buddy were you stuck taking the bus like some sort of plebian” which angered tails “remember sonic im now the department's manager and I can dock your pay” sonic laughed and logged onto his computer “at least I don't have a crappy job like knuckles the janitor” tails rolled his eyes and put sonic's assignment on the desk “we have a meeting later with district manager shadow so you better not fuck up today sonic we need that budget passed” sonic gives tails a thumbs up and started filling out microsoft spreadsheets. He was done in a minute with what he needed to do and he decided to relieve himself by going on the google and typing up “hot hedgehog girls” sonic stares at the hot hedgehog girls and got excited. Amy became a stick in the mud ever since she had sonic jr and lets be honest she gotten a little fat. Sonic decided nobody will peek into his cubicle so he stared at the hot bikini hedgehog babes at super sonic spee. It was until then knuckles came in to clean sonic's trash can which caused sonic to be too slow x'ing out

“whoa sonic were you staring at boobies” knuckles asked

“NO” sonic exclaimed, angry at knuckles for spying on him. Knuckles chuckled and said “well we'll keep it between ourselves on the promise you got to scrub the toilets otherwise ill tell tails and he'll be mad at you”

Oh shit sonic seems to be in trouble....he should had known to used the privacy tab on modzilla firefox.....He decides that if knuckles is going to play like a little bitch that knuckles should get the little bitch treatment. Later that day Tails and Sonic went to the Taco Bell and got Cheesy Gordita Crunches. Sonic was upset Taco Bell didn't serve chili dogs but sonic can be a little retarded because Taco Bell has Tacos not Chili Dogs. Tails looked at Sonic and said, "Wow Sonic you look so sad, what's wrong?" Sonic shook his head angry. "I am mad because Knuckles is Blackmailing me." Tails gasps and said "Sonic why would he do that." Sonic decided to lie to Tails because if Tails found out Sonic was looking at hot hedgehog girls in Bikinis he will tell Amy and she will make him sleep on the couch for a year. Sonic said, "It's because I called Knuckles a garbage man that he eats trash out of the garbage." Tails laughs out loud so hard mountain dew squirted out of his nose. "Hahahaha that is funny"

sonic laughed too but he will soon find out lying will get him no where.....

after lunch everyone went into the meeting room but the district manager was late. Sonic was picking wax out of his ears bored because he hated waiting and flicked it at mighty the armadildo. Tails seemed very nervous looking over everyone's work and knuckles was busy cleaning the windows, staring at sonic which made sonic flip off knuckles when nobody was looking really fast because he was cool. SUDDENLY out of no where there was a flash of light from chaos control and district manager Shadow the Hedgehog came in. he looked pissed and flipped everyone off which make people think he was so edgy and cool. “Alright you little FAKERS we need to go over QUARTERLIES and if any of you have to go shit..............TOO BAD!”

cucky the chicken made the mistake of raising his hand and shadow chuck chaos spears at his head which caused it to explode off before he goes into space everyone didn't say anything due to them not needing to go shit because they shit their pants already. Sonic was nervous as knuckles was staring him down like some red gay man but sonic remember company policy is all inclusive and he didn't know that knuckles was giving amy the dick when sonic was at the bar the other day.

Shadow read through the spreadsheets that tails gave him and he got super pissed!!! “WHO PUT 'SONIC MASTURBATES WHILE ON THE JOB TO HOT HEDGEHOGS IN BIKINIS” knuckles chuckles and sonic was so mad he goes over to that red gay dog and punched his face through the window and knuckles fell and broke his foot but he didn't die because sonic was that nice of a person. Everyone claps for sonic and tails laughs and shadow didn't quite frankly he finds everyone retarded but that was a cool ass punch and let it slide however that was not the end of sonic's troubles

“Sonic, I wish to speak to you in my office after this meeting” said Tails which made sonic worried how is he suppose to feed sonic jr he already has problems with that fat sow Amy raiding the fridge but sonic jr is going to starve thanks to his google search history.

but now Dr Eggman was passing by and seen knuckles on the ground who was hurt.

“egadds who did this to you knuckles'

“it was sonic”

“oh I see...i got a great way to ruin his life but you gotta trust me no backies”

“deal”

\-- LATER --

Sonic got off work at 5 pm and remember it was amy and his anniversity. He went "oh shit" and decided to rush to get her a gift from walmart. He remember that amy likes flowers and he goes to the flower section. He looks at the prices of the flowers and said "Oh man why the hell does it cost 60 dollars for a bouquet that's going to die anyway like my relationship if I don't get her a gift." He decides to leave walmart and go to a highway medium and pick wild flowers for amy since it's cheap. While there he seen vector who was passed out with a bottle of alcohol in his hand.

"Whoa Vector!" Sonic said, poking him with his foot. Vector groans and rolls over. Sonic decides to leave Vector alone because Vector is completely crabby when he is drunk and he runs home to Amy.

Amy is wearing the clothes she worn in high school which is now 3 sizes too small on her and she grins looking at sonic's gift. "Oh my gosh sonic they are wonderful they look expensive." Amy sniffs at the highway medium wild flowers and weeds and sonic laughs to himself thinking how fucking awesome he is. "Sonic you offered to take me to the olive garden tonight for our anniversity Tails is watching Sonic Jr."

Sonic peers into the living room seeing tails playing with the horrific chimera that sonic and amy created sonic jr is laughing watching peppa pig while tails is drinking a beer sonic thinks that is what he would probably do too if he was forced to spend an evening with his family but sonic takes amy hand and rushes to the Olive Garden

"Slow down Sonic!" Amy cried. Sonic ignored her because sonic is the Fastest in the world and telling him to slow down is retarded. He made it to the olive garden on time and enters into the restaraunt. At the waiting table though was Dr. Eggman and Knuckles the Janitor.

"Oh fuck no" Said sonic, facepalming as he sees the fat bitch and the red dog. They wave at him and sonic ignores them going to the waiter "Party of 2"

"It is crowded today sir, you're going to have to share a table with another party of two"

sonic looks at Eggman who said "C'mon sonic let's go eat dinner togehter."

"Fuck no, Amy we're leaving" Sonic tries to leave but Amy hit him with the piko piko hammer. She goes into full bitch mode

"SONIC I WAS WAITING FOR THIS EVENING FOR MONTHS AND IF YOU TAKE UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS AND PASTA FROM ME I WILL CRUSH YOUR DICK OFF!"

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT GEEZE CALM DOWN WOMAN" sonic yelled. Amy gets this way when she's getting denied her carbohydrate buffet and goes to sit down with eggman and knuckles. Amy smiles at the two.

"Hello Eggman, Knuckles, how are you tonight?"

"Doing alright, Ames." Said Knuckles who is looking at his menu. Eggman nudges sonic who groans. He knows it's going to be a long night so he better start early on the alcohol........

the appitizer came by and eggman and amy ate every one of them before knuckles or sonic have a chance to react. "Goddamn fatties save some food for the rest of us." said Knuckles. Sonic got up from his chair and said "DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT MY WIFE

ONLY I'M ALLOWED TO CALL HER FAT"

Knuckles and Sonic started to fight. Sonic uses the stale ass breadstick to hit Knuckles on the head but he forgot Knuckles is hardheaded and could take the blow. Knuckles takes a created common used digital painted picture from the wall to use as a shield. They fought, breadsticks and unlimited salad flying everywhere. Amy is crying and Eggman is laughing.

"SONIC! YOU RUINED OUR ANNIVERSITY!" screamed Amy, causing a scene where everyone looks at the crazy table. Sonic stops trying to choke Knuckles with a napkin around his neck and sits down, knuckles doing the same. Amy runs to the bathroom crying, the only running she ever volunteerly did in her life. Sonic sighs and Eggmen let out the most troubling news of all

"YES! My planned work, Knuckles!" Knuckles looks at Eggman confused "What plan?"

"It was very simple! Using your gullible mind I made you fight sonic inside this olive garden so that sonic's relationship crumbles! Now that Amy is mad at Sonic I can go in for the pick up while sonic remains single and has to pay child support! AHAHAHHAHAHAHA!"

At this moment knuckles got so mad he took a handfull of garlic sticks and stuffed it down eggman's fat face, causing eggman to choke. Sonic helped knuckles by kicking the fatty in the stomach so he spits up the garlic sticks and knuckles keep shoving it down his mouth over and over again. It was then the manager called the cops on all three of them and they get arrested....all while Amy watched, miserable at what sonic, knickles, and eggmen did to her magical night....................

\-- LATER --

Sonic has been in the jail cell for three hours. He hates waiting and being slow so he paced around the cell about 100,000,000,000 times by now. He wiggles on the bars of the cell impatiently to annoy the guards who then just tazed him for being a little bitch and slaps cuffs on his wrist. Sonic finally starts to become crazy until the walls of his cell is busted open. Knuckles steps into the cell and whispers “Let's go, I just made a hole” and they both run out of the jail. The cops noticed their escape and got into red alert and tried to shut the facility down. Knuckles breaks Sonic's cuffs. They look at each other with a brotherly gaze in each other eyes that didn't last long because that would been gay. 

Knuckles punched holes in the walls until they made it free and Knuckles and Sonic runs faster than the bullets that are shooting at them until they made it 25 miles out of the city. “Holy shit wait until we tell work about this tomorrow” Said Sonic. Knuckles slaps Sonic.

“You dummy we can't go back to work tomorrow because that means someone will snitch us off to the cops then they'll put us in super jail.”

“What do we do now then?” Said Sonic.

“I have an idea if you two don't have one” Said Tails who just so happened to be passing by. “Although I'm disappointed in both of you we're going to have to work together. I don't think you two should been in jail in the first place because Eggman is a dick and I thought it was a law saying it's okay to be a dick to Eggman.”

Sonic nods, agreeing with the most intelligent friend he has ever had. “Okay Tails, lay it on us!”

“What we need to do is go back to your house, Sonic. Amy is very pissed at you and you have to get on her good side.”

“WHAT!” Said Sonic, he fears Amy more than jail, wishing he was back in it. Tails punches Sonic in the jaw.

“Amy will forgive you if you talk to her and maybe give her the sex.”

Sonic actually agrees with this idea now. Amy only wants his big blue dick and after a night of the Sex he will get on her good side and help her out.

“Wait” Said Knuckles, stopping the two, “What about Eggman? He will scheme again and try to interrupt our plans.”

“Eggman is just a big fat asshole who looks like a bowling pin. He can spend a night in jail and think all he wants but I'll crush him like a bug.” Said Sonic. He then runs home with Tails and Knuckles and knocks on his door.

“GO AWAY!!!!!!!!” Cried Amy.

“Amy it's Me.” Said Knuckles.

“Oh, okay.” Said Amy as she unlocks the door. Sonic was shocked to see that Amy will answer Knuckles but never him unless she wants the sex so he steps inside with his two best friends. Sonic Jr hugs Sonic's leg.

“Hi Daddy! Wanna see what I learned in school today?” Said Sonic Jr. Sonic pats Sonic Jr's head. He knows the teachers are feeding his son propaganda lies because secretly they hate children and want to give them all participation trophies so they can feel better about being dumber than a box of rocks so they can go into a 6 years college like them and get their useless teaching degrees and be as miserable as them.

“Not today Son, your daddy and mommy need to talk in the back room.”

Sonic and Amy goes to the back. Sonic got slapped by Amy but it barely hurt because Amy is weak as shit. “Sonic you are a fucking asshole to ruin our anniversary in front of the whole city!” 

Sonic thinks and replies “It's okay Amy, I love and respect women so I know how you feel and will never do stupid shit again.”

“Really???” said Amy, with hope in her voice.

“Nah Ames, I love that **DANK KUSH.** ”

And so Amy and Sonic have the hot sex that is so hot it cannot be described in great detail because it is so graphic and it involved a chili dog, robot oil, and a Chilean Earthquake Technique.

Meanwhile, in the jail cell, Eggman is plotting his schemes to get Sonic and Knuckles fired....he made his one call to Shadow.

“So they fought at the Olive Garden...” Said Shadow, sounding pissed on the phone.

“YES!” Said Eggman. “They fought me and I was unfairly arrested!!!”

“I got plans for them at work tomorrow....you'll see, Doctor. It will all work out in the long run.” Eggman and Shadow hung up. Eggman cackles because his plan is coming into fruition.....before a guard billy clubs him because he was being loud after lights out.


	2. The Plans of Shadow the Hedgehog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble is down the road....

The next morning dawns on Green Hill Zone. Tails and Knuckles decided to sleep over at Sonic's house due to the fact that Sonic & Knuckles are now fugitives from the law. Tails, despite being manager at work, know the unspoken law of the land: Bros before Corporate Hoes. They were asleep on the living room's futon, Tails hugging Knuckles in his sleep. 

“Heh, stop it Rouge. I don't want my balls tickled right now.” murmured Knuckles as he roles over and farts.

The TV suddenly turns on to ChaoChao Cartoons. Tails gets up and instantly affirms he is not gay and Knuckles throws a pillow at the TV causing it to fall over. Sonic Jr was in the living room and started to cry.

“WAAAAAAAAH! No fair! I wanted to watch cartoons!”

“Tough shit kid” Said Knuckles, rolling upwards, yawning and stretching. Tails helped Sonic Jr set up the TV.

“Hey Uncle Fuckles, I heard you and Daddy got into deep shit last night.” Said Sonic Jr.

“And I heard you're a little shit” Said Knuckles, bemused at the crotch spawn of Sonic and Amy. “Where's your parents?” Questioned Tails, getting out of the bed.

“On the back porch talking.”

Tails and Knuckles decides to visit their buddy Sonic and his obnoxious wife out on the back porch. Amy looks still a bit pissed at Sonic who is smoking a cigarette.

“Sonic you can't be out here what if GUN catches you and sends you to super jail?”

“Well Ames, they'll have to catch my sexy blue ass first.” Sonic was always this cocky and Amy couldn't understand why but it always made her a little bit moist when he had total disregard for the laws that keeps the civilians protected and safe. But little do they know, there's a plan in action. One rooted in deep conspiracy to make sure Sonic and Friends gets what is due to them.

Shadow goes to the president's office and slams his hands on the desk. “Hello. I am the ultimate District Manager. I am the ultimate lifeform. I am Shad--”

“Shadman?” The president commits suicide by jumping out the window. Shadow tchs. “That joke is so fucking old.”

The vice president steps in and throws the president's name tag out the window on the lifeless corpse of the despondent corpse of the last leader. “Hello I am the current President. How can I help you, Shadow the District Manager Hedgehog?”

“I know you have two very wanted gentlemen for their shenanigans at the Olive Garden,” Stated Shadow. He pulls out a Chaos Emerald from his quill pockets that all Hedgehogs carry. “And I am the man that can hunt them down for you.”

The president lifted a brow. “How can I know I can trust you?” Shadow shakes his head and smirks and decided to punch him straight in the jaw.

“You got the job.” Said the president as he's carted out to have surgery done on his once chizzled jawline. Shadow Chaos Controls out of the office, thinking of how he can make sure he gets revenge from the tarnished reputation of the company he helped formed.

He stood on the edge of Green Hill Zone, where a drunken Vector once was. “TCH! Stupid Chameleon!” He kicks down Vector who cries like a little bitch. “Get out of my way!”

Big the Cat seen his best friend and gay love interest get beaten up. He rushes to his love's aide. “Vector...are you alright?”

Vector shoves Big down which took him 10 seconds to realize what happened because he's toooooooo sllllllllloooooooow. “It appears Sonic is in trouble. We need to alert him!”

“But how?”

“Heh, watch THIS.” Said Vector, taking out a key fob. He presses a button and out of nowhere a sick ass looking red Model 2018 Audi A5 with Turbocharged 2.0-liter four-cylinder engine and Customizable drive modes install in it came to their steed. They get into the car and buckled up. It's important to buckle up, Vector thought. That's how Charmy Bee got the brain damage and why he has to wear a fucking helmet out in public.

Vector rushes down the highway at 220 MPH, nearly hitting a crossing pedestrian to get to Sonic's house. He has to get there before Shadow. Lord knows what Shadow would do, that black edgy edgehog.

But they were too late. As they pull up to Sonic's house, they see Shadow jumping over the fence.

“Oh, Hi Shadow!” Sonic said as Shadow approaches him. Shadow had a greeting of his own, a nice kick to Sonic's face. It knocks Sonic out. Amy screams. Tails tries to fight Shadow but he threw that fucking faker into the clothes line, tying him up like it's a cartoon. Knuckles throws a punch and breaks his fist on Shadow's buff chest. Amy is shaking Sonic. “SONIC! SONIIIIIIIIIIIC!”

“Too late, Amy Rose.” Said Shadow, picking up Sonic and herself. “He's going to super jail. You ALL are going to Super Jail.”

Shadow holds up the chaos emerald and charges for another Chaos Control.

“You're all coming with me.” Everyone is transported and was evaporated into thin air. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Screams Vector. Big cries. Sonic Jr was staring out the window...and knew what he had to do...........


End file.
